Awakenings
by sellthelie
Summary: Enchanted mistletoe makes Draco admit something he’s been denying. Draco&Blaise&Hermione PLEASE READ THE WARNING!
1. Chapter 1

**WARNINGS: This is different to anything I've done before. So please heed this, I'm doing it for you. This does contain Male/Male, in this chapter, and will eventually have a Male/Male/Female relationship, so please, if this offends you, stop here. Don't flame me because you don't like it. **

**Disclaimer: Belongs to JK Rowling**

**Awakenings**

**1/?**

-

It wasn't supposed to happen like this. Draco Malfoy had a plan, and it did not seem to be going along at like he had hoped. After last year he had been surprised that he was even allowed to set foot in Hogwarts again, but here he was. Granted he was no longer a prefect, or had any authority at all, gone was the Head Boy status, which he had thought a near certainty, no one matched him in his opinion. Draco was now just one of the crowd; another student. Although after what he had done he was glad of that, it was more than he had hoped for. He wasn't spat at, or cursed from behind, which he had expected, he was ignored, by all but a few. And that was perfectly fine with that, it was peaceful to a certain extent, he could go about his business without any bother.

There were times when he missed how his life used to be, he was looked up to, admired, feared all the same, it was wonderful, intoxicating, and terrifying all at the same time. He missed that, now he was just a part of the crowd, looked upon in disgust by his housemates, the other houses ignored him most of the time. Except for the time when they laughed at him, but they were getting less and less often as time went on. Draco was a nonentity for now, and he liked it.

There was an ally he had in his house, someone who supported him still. The only one, even Pansy didn't talk to him anymore. It wasn't something they acknowledged in public, in front of everyone, but he was there for him. On those days when he just wanted to explode, scream and shout about everything that was going wrong in his life, he was there. Most of the time he would listen, sometimes he would put his two sickles in. It helped him, more than he ever imagined it would. The quiet Slytherin who hardly spoke had suddenly became his closest friend, and Draco had become very dependent on Blaise over the past six months, that's why this was affecting him so very much.

The house elves had put up Mistletoe, in various places around the castles. Mostly in the corners and doorways, and occasionally, they put up the enchanted kind, that was even more annoying than the regular kind. If it wasn't already embarrassing enough being under the blasted foliage with someone you really didn't want to kiss. The enchanted version had an extra feature, it pulled the closest female to you, and it didn't let you get away till a kiss had taken place. Obviously Blaise had been caught under the latter kind, why else would he be under there with Granger?

Standing down the corridor and watching them kiss was a strange sensation, he was all alone, and he couldn't hear anything, it's like the sound had been turned off. His whole being seemed focused on everything they were doing. Her hands clutching at his back, his running through her curls, their bodies pushed as close as they could, hips rocking slowly against each others. She pulled away gasping for breath, but they stayed together, Draco expected her to run away, but they just stared at each other. Till moments which felt like minutes later, Granger jumped away, and dashed off down the hall. Leaving one very shell shocked Head boy standing in the middle of the hall, till he grabbed his bag and moved in the other direction.

Draco's senses starting coming back to him slowly, he could hear people moving through the corridors now, the bell must have gone. Time for the next class; whatever that was. He moved mindlessly in that direction, his body moved on auto-pilot.

It wasn't the kiss that shocked him, he had seen countless people over the last few days falling victim to that bloody plant, but they had seemed tame, platonic, compared to what he'd just seen. Some people just kissed with their lips, but they had put all of themselves into that kiss.

Why? A simple peck would have sufficed, no need for all that. He almost wished he had a class with Blaise next, so he could ask him. Why did he do it, why the hell did he kiss Granger like that? 

-

There she was, sitting there like nothing had happened. Like she hadn't kissed his best friend in the hallway. Granger still stuck her hand up at every available chance, ready with the answer. She did look a little distracted if you looked closely, the chill in the air could be blamed for the rosy glow of her cheeks. It could not however disguise the dreamy stare ahead when the Professor was rambling on, or the fingers that came and rested on her lips periodically. So Granger wasn't an ice queen, he had gotten to her. Draco didn't know whether to be impressed or disgusted.

It wasn't like Blaise had gone and kissed any old girl, he'd gone for the most unattainable, she was bloody near on untouchable. Some guys had managed to get through the wall that Potter and Weasel put around her, just got a little close to her. None had got it to stick though, either she turned them down, or they got scared. It was more than a little bit of fun watching countless guys approach her, and then turn and run for their lives almost when she talked to them. Just what was it about her that managed to turn the most confident, and charming guys in school into babbling fools?

He didn't intend to find out, he'd kept his distance. It had worked, till this morning. She had snuck through, and hit him with a sucker punch when he wasn't looking, and she wasn't even aiming for him. Granger had been going to Blaise, and somehow he been hit, and from what he could remember Blaise had been as confunded as he was.

"Mr Malfoy?"

"Yes Professor?" He said turning his attention to the front of the class, ignoring the looks from the other students, from her.

"The answer to the question?"

_Question? Shit. _He was starting to panic, a glance behind the Professor revealed nothing on the board that could help him. Then his saving grace, the bell rang. Everyone started packing their things away. He beat everyone to the door, she had just sat there and watched him. The others had all had little smiles on their faces as they watched him struggle. She was unflinching, she was analysing him, and he was scared by the fact that he was more than a little interested in finding out if he passed. 

-

Lunch at Hogwarts used to be his favourite thing. The spread on the table rivaled the one at the Manor, and at Halloween and on the first night of the school year it beat it. There was nothing quite like it. This year, Draco wasn't so fond of it.

Where once he was the head duck at the Slytherin table, now he had been relegated to sitting with the First years, till they got rid of him. So now he sat all by himself, sometimes Blaise would sit with him; but for the most part he was alone. It was hard at first, but he liked it now. He would eat as quickly as he could, then go to the Library or outside, and just be by himself. Draco had become a creature of solitude.

Granger was sitting directly in his line of vision, the thoughtful expression back again, he didn't think he'd ever seen the Head girl this distracted. All manner of chaos was happening at the Gryffindor table as usual, but she didn't give it a bit of attention. Draco followed the way she was looking, and saw just what had captured her eye. The Head boy was holding court, with his faithful minions hanging on his every word. To think that had been him twelve months ago, hell even six months ago. How times had changed.

Draco looked back at Granger and she had turned her gaze to him, when she noticed he was returning it, she quickly looked away. This was an interesting development. Twice now she had been staring at him, the same day she kissed his closest friend.  
Pushing the remainder of his stew away, he picked up his bag and left the Hall. His tolerance of crowds, and all their chatter had reached an all time low lately. He decided to go to the library, it was too cold outside now, winter had well and truly set in.

"Draco!"

He wanted to keep walking and pretend that he hadn't heard him, but it was  
impossible.

"Blaise," he said turning around.

"How are you today?" He asked a concerned expression on his face.

"I'm just peachy, excuse me," he said shortly, turning to continue on his way.

"Hang on," he said grabbing his arm, "What's going on?"

"Nothing," he snapped, pulling his arm away.

"Draco?"

"Just leave it."

"No..."

They both looked down the hall as they heard more voices coming, he pushed him into an alcove near them, placing cloaking spells so no-one would know they were there.

"This is ridiculous, and more than a little over dramatic. Nothing is wrong."

"Cut the crap," Blaise said rolling his eyes, "You never half eat lunch, and add to that, the fact that you hardly said two words to anyone, something is up."

"Who would I talk to? The only one I talk to is you, and I can't."

"Why not?" He asked moving closer, "I told you, you can talk to me about anything."

"Not this."

"What is it?"

Closing his eyes, "I saw you."

"Saw me? Saw me doing what?"

"Granger. I saw you and Granger all right, in the hall before class."

"Oh."

"_Oh_, is that all?" He shouted, "I saw you kissing Granger, and that's all you can fucking say?"

"What am I supposed to say? Yes, I kissed Granger, I was under the bloody Mistletoe, what else was I supposed to do?"

"I don't know, how about not!"

"That wasn't an option..."

"Well you didn't have to kiss her like that," he said, fiddling with the torn thread on the end of his scarf. "It was more than was needed."

"Bloody hell Draco, if I didn't know better I'd say you were jealous."

He scoffed, "I do not want to kiss Granger."

"I didn't say anything about Granger."

Draco stopped playing with the thread instantly. Blaise's eyes had taken on a dangerous glint, one that he had seen many times. Always directed at a girl, and said girl would always find themselves stuck. He had never seen it directed at him before, and now he knew why they all fall to pieces under it.

"What are you playing at Blaise?" He stuttered out.

"I'm not sure," he said, "Let's find out."

"I..."

Before he could get any words out, he was kissing him. Gently pressing his lips to his. His tongue sweeping his upper lip, and Draco's lips fell open, and then Blaise was all over him. His tongue sweeping across his, Draco's hand of their own volition had grabbed onto his upper arms. Blaise had pressed him against the wall, his hands creeping through his hair. There wasn't a bit of room between them. Draco felt himself trying to get closer, as he met Blaise every step of the way.

Kissing Blaise, he was kissing Blaise. It was Blaise who had pushed him against the wall, making it impossible to move, if he would have wanted to. There was no room for escape. All he could feel, could see, was Blaise. His body was moving on it's own, his hands moving over him, pulling him closer. His hips started rocking against his, it felt good, too good. He could feel him, his length, rubbing against his. That was Blaise.

That startling reality made him pull his lips away, he met his eyes, and realised he was as shocked as he was, panting heavily, they didn't move away, their pelvis still rocking against each other.

Blaise stepped back, and swore under his breath.

"God Draco," he said quietly, "I'm sorry, I don't know what the hell happened."

He just leant against the wall, not trusting his feet to move, his mouth to talk properly. Draco just watched Blaise grab his bag, and race out of there.

"Fuck," he muttered, sliding down the wall, sitting down on the floor.

That was not supposed to happen. It was Blaise, his one friend in the whole school, and he had kissed, and if the tightness now in his trousers was any indication, he liked it, liked it a whole fucking lot. 

-


	2. Chapter 2

**WARNINGS: Warnings are in the first chapter, remember to follow them.**

**Disclaimer: Belongs to JK Rowling**

**Awakenings**

**2/?**

-

The bell rang in the distance, thankfully he had a free period now, so he sat there listening to the other students going to class. He didn't want to go back to his dorm yet, more than likely the others would be in there and he didn't feel like seeing them now. When there was no more noises to be heard, he left the little alcove, intending never to set foot in it again, and headed in the direction he had been heading when he got stopped by Blaise. The library.

He headed to his favourite table, it was tucked away amongst the Muggle books. It was probably the only place in the whole castle that no one would expect to find him. Not that he read the Muggle books, Draco may be an outcast in the Wizarding world, but he wasn't that much of an outcast. Besides, they had ridiculous titles. Written by people with awfully boring names, there would be nothing of interest in them. No, he just sat there, and enjoyed the silence, or pulled out his homework. Draco wouldn't be surprised if he was catching up and maybe even passing Granger in the brain stakes this year. Heaven knows it was easy to tell that she was distracted, what else was he supposed to do?

He put his bag on the table, and sank into his chair. Maybe Arithmancy would hold his attention? Anything to stop thinking of the fact that he had just kissed his best friend, his male best friend. That was not supposed to happen. Sure Blaise was a nice guy, good looking, but Draco did not go for guys, he was all for the girls. The voice in his head popped up with a very annoying fact that he was trying to forget, his reaction. Maybe he could convince himself that it meant nothing if he hadn't been harder after than he'd been in months. Not one girl in this school had ever got that out of him. Draco had sat there for a little bit after, taking care of it.

He wanted to throw something, scream at someone, this wasn't supposed to happen. Just another un-necessary complication in an already complicated situation, his life at the moment had enough going on, without feelings for his best friend popping up. To add to the alienation of the rest of the school, his rotten family situation, and the Dark Lord looming on the horizon, it was bloody brilliant. Let's take away the one friend he had in the world, Blaise wouldn't abandon him, but it was going to mess it all up. How was he supposed to look him in the eye after that?

He pulled his textbook out of his bag, and opened it up. This would work, it was all he had done this year, it was the perfect distraction. Back here, in the most isolated part of the library, he would study, and study. Anything to pull his mind away from everything else. Right now he needed it more than anything.

Draco was unsure of how long he sat there, his thoughts made it hard to focus on the book in front of him, but he did his best. His stomach gave a lurch after a while, reminding him that he hadn't had any lunch. Draco decided to go and dump his books, and maybe head down to the kitchen, and see if he could get some kind of snack. There was no weekly candy drop from his mother anymore. He could hear someone moving in the aisle next to his, and decided to sit still for just a moment, Draco didn't want to draw attention to himself.

Then they rounded the corner, Granger.

"Malfoy?" She stuttered, stopping abruptly when she saw him. "What are doing here?"

"Uh, studying? This is the library," he said.

"Of course," she said, "But this is the Muggle books, what are you studying back here?"

"Arithmancy, no-one bothers me back here."

"Right," she nodded, and headed down the aisle, tapping her fingers on the shelf as she went.

He watched her, trying and failing to not be obvious. She knew, if the little self-conscious gestures were any indication. Pushing her hair behind her ears, licking her lips every few moments. He couldn't help himself, over the years he had thought he had Granger's measure. In one day, one moment she had blown it all out of the water. That kiss, with Blaise, she was normally so reserved, keeping emotions of the surface. He was wrong, she wasn't at all like he thought she was, seems Granger was a little firecracker. Draco was suddenly very interested in what else she had hidden away inside.

She selected a book of the shelf, and holding it close to her chest, she walked quickly back down the aisle, avoiding looking at him. Till she reached the end, and stopped. Granger turned around, and took a deep breath.

"How are you?" She asked, still not looking at him.

"Pardon?"

"How are you?" She repeated slowly, her eyes finally landing on him.

"Fine."

"Good to hear," she said quietly, "No one is giving you any trouble are they?"

"Nothing I can't handle, for the most part they leave me alone," he watched her as he talked, she started walking over to his table, and stood next to it. Just standing there, no words were spoken.

"How is your studying going?" She asked, placing her book down.

"Fine, just some revision," he answered, closing his book, "I couldn't concentrate today."

She mumbled illegible then, and to his surprise sat down in the chair next to him. "It's getting hard isn't it? I can barely keep up."

"I'm surviving," he said, sitting up straight.

"Me too, barely."

He hoped his eyes weren't falling out of his face, why was she sitting down with him? Talking to him as if they were old friends? He had sensed a change in her attitude to him over the last few months, she didn't say anything to him really, just carried on with her business, and he with his. There had been no difference of the way he had treated her the year before, they didn't interact. Here she was though, sitting there, nervous as all hell, trying to start a conversation with him. Should he help her? Maybe if he ignored her she would leave. That seemed like the way to go, till he realised that he didn't want her to go. It was nice to be treated like a normal Wizard. Not something to be hated, or pitied.

He grabbed the one thing that he knew they could talk about, "How did you find that assignment for Ancient Runes?" He asked quietly, scared to look at her.

"Oh that was hard," she laughed, a nice pleasant sound, it was a rarity to hear laughter lately. "The results were fascinating, did you finish it?"

"Not yet," he admitted, "Nearly there," he said quickly.

"Well I don't want to spoil it, half the fun is working it out... gods you must think I'm the biggest nerd, _deciphering Ancient Runes fun_."

"Not at all," he said, looking at her, she was cringing, obviously embarrassed. "I'm exactly the same," and he gave her a smile, a rarity these days.

"Good to know," she smiled, looking down at the book in front of her. It was nice, he decided. She wasn't saying more than was necessary, and he didn't feel like he had to say more. It was enough.

Just as he was starting to get comfortable sitting there in silence with her, his stomach decided to make a reappearance, announcing itself rather loudly.

"Well," he said, "I suppose I should go eat something."

She was trying not to smile, he could see the corner of her lips twitching, "Good idea." Hermione got up, and pushed her chair in, "It was nice talking to you Draco."

"You too."

Getting up as well, he watched her walk away. Turns out he was right, Granger was just full of surprises. He turned to pick up his bag, when he noticed it, her book. She had left it there. Picking it up, he decided to take it and give it to her when he saw her next. Someone may come and take it out of the library, and she wanted to read it, so he shouldn't leave it there. Slinging his bag over his shoulder, he walked towards the exit. He was just about out of there, when someone came around the corner, and walked straight into him.

It was Hermione again, "Draco," she said, placing a hand on her chest, "I was just going to get my..." and then she noticed what was in his hand. "Book."

"I was going to give it to you, when I saw you next," he said quickly.

"Thank you."

There had been three thoughts racing through his head all afternoon, distracting him from everything around him. He hadn't been able to stop thinking about Hermione kissing Blaise, and then to further complicate it, he kissed Blaise. Ever since then, he'd been wondering. What would it be like if he was to kiss Hermione? Would she slap him? Curse him? Or would she return it? Seeing her standing in front of him, he decided to take action. It would plague his thoughts for the rest of the evening, till he did it.

Reaching a hand up, he cupped her cheek, rubbing his thumb over it gently. Watching her eyes flutter to a close, and her head tilt slightly towards his hand. Seeing her reaction, he leaned down and brushed her lips softly with his own. Moving away a little, keeping his hand on her cheek, leaving it up to her if it went further. Barely a moment later, she was up on the tips of her toes, taking the affirmative action.

He soon lost himself in her, the gentle movements of her as she moved against him, with him. Her soft lips moving against his, coaxing him to open, and let her in. She moved closer still, a hand coming and resting on his arm, he was falling, rather quickly, all of his senses seemed to vacate his body. In it's place, it was her, all he could see, feel was Hermione.

Someone moving in the aisle next to them, returned them to the present. This was happening in an all-too public place. They both pulled away at the same time, her expression was unreadable, she brushed her fingertips over his lips, and was gone. He couldn't move, his legs didn't want to work at all, he leaned against the bookshelf behind him.

He was very wrong about Granger, that girl was an enigma in herself. 

- 


	3. Chapter 3

**Awakenings - Part Three**

Draco gave her a moment to leave the library before he followed, he knew that lunch was well and truly over, and dinner was a way off yet, so he decided to head down to the kitchen and see what the elves would provide in the meantime. The corridors were empty as he made his way, for which he was very thankful for. There was no-one he wished to speak to, or even see for that matter. He much preferred it like this.

After he was accosted by the elves he sat down in a rather over-stuffed chair by the fire, and closed his eyes as he waited for them to bring him something. He seemed to be always tired lately, like life was leaving his slowly, leaving in it's place a shell of the wizard he used to be. There were random moments that lifted him, made him feel alive again, but they were so fleeting, coming not nearly often enough. He longed to fly, he never realised how much he enjoyed it. Upon his return to Hogwarts, there had been many restrictions placed on what he could do. It wouldn't be right for him to come back to school after what he had done, or tried to do, and fit back in like nothing had ever happened.

Draco didn't mind not being a prefect anymore, that was a responsibility he was glad to be rid of. There were other things, most of which he did not miss at all. Quidditch was the thing he missed the most, and it wasn't even the game that he missed, the competition. After spending so much of his childhood flying, and then his time at Hogwarts, he just wanted to fly. To feel the wind through his hair, it blasting his face, and just the complete freedom that came with flying that's what he wanted.

He wanted to be free. He wanted to be completely alone, something he'd never be as long as _he_ was around. There was no way he could leave the school grounds any time soon, he was a virtual prisoner, he could go if he wished, but there was no way he would be safe when he did. So he stayed, with the people who despised him, those who pitied him, and those that confused him.

Draco thought he was just starting to get a handle on his new life, when the rug was swept out from under him. Yesterday he was as settled as he was going to be, he had much as sense out of everything as he could. One little kiss and he was all adrift, and he wasn't involved directly in it. All he did was watch, he stood in the wings and watched; and it screwed him over completely. He doubted much would be the same anymore, not only had he kissed his closest friend, but he had then kissed the girl who he had despised for much of his school life. One without the other would be complex enough, but add then together in the space of an hour and he was drowning.

There was nothing for him to hold onto, his only friend was gone for the moment, it was just him. He would have to figure this out. Alone.

-

He ended up staying in the kitchens till dinner was being served, before heading down to the dormitories. The elves had given him more than enough food, and he didn't really want to go to dinner. Draco knew he was being childish, and more than a little stupid, but he didn't want to see _them_.

Luckily the dorm was empty, and he sat down in the lounge chair, deciding to do some work while he was alone. Unluckily, it didn't last very long. It was a few seventh years, they took one sneering look at him, and headed upstairs. Blaise didn't follow them. Draco focused down on his book, stiffening slightly as he sat next to him.

"Draco."

He didn't answer, he turned a page, and read it intently.

"Draco," he sighed. "Bloody hell, are you going to ignore me forever? First you don't come to dinner, and now you sit here pretending I'm not. It's fucking ridiculous."

"Maybe Blaise," he said slowly. "I don't want to talk to _anyone_ at the moment, and I'd appreciate being left alone."

"Hate to burst your bubble, but we need to talk."

"No we don't."

"Come on Draco, we kissed. Kissed Draco. It wasn't a small kiss, I felt something, more than something, and I'm pretty sure you did as well."

"It doesn't matter what I did or didn't feel," he said quietly. "It doesn't matter because it is _never_ going to happen again, it should never have happened then, and it won't again."

"Stop being so bloody stubborn, would it be such a terrible thing? We have known each other since we were crawling, been through so much in both of our lives. There is no one who knows me better than you, and I think I know you pretty well myself."

"It's not that simple Blaise," he closed his book. "Even if I did _want_ to see what this could prove to be, now is not the time for it. My life is not settled at the moment, and whatever that may be, it can't fit right now. I won't let it."

"It wouldn't necessarily ruin things Draco, it may just be the stabilizer that you need. How will you know that if you don't give it a chance?"

"I won't, and I'm not going to. Please just let me do this Blaise," he whispered.

Blaise exhaled, and sat back in the chair. "I don't want to, but I suppose I'll have to."

"Thank you," Draco said.

"I hope it won't affect our friendship," Blaise said, placing a hand on his shoulder.

"Of course not," he tried to stay relaxed as he felt the heat of his hand on his shoulder. "My life is pretty fucked at the moment, I need to unload somewhere."

"Good to hear," he smiled. "I suppose you don't want to unload about today with me?"

"No," he laughed. "I don't really want to talk about it with anyone."

"You should, in some way. I know I'm bloody confused," he admitted. "I'm just glad you are actually talking to me right now, I thought you'd never say another word to me ever again."

"It'll go away, the confusion. We'll get through it, and before we know it, it'll be back to normal as much as my life can be."

"That'll be nice."

-

He was glad to have Blaise back, and for the following weekend, life seemed normal again. In Blaise's dorm they studied like they always did, and just relaxed together. The weight that had crushed him that afternoon, lifted. His life wasn't back to it's odd kind of normal, but it was close enough. He would keep it at this stage for as long as possible.

There was just one problem with that plan, Granger.

He may have sorted out the _issue_ with Blaise, this wasn't something that could be glossed over and ignored. Draco may not know her all that well, she didn't however seem like the kind of girl who would be ignored. That's all however he could think to do, he didn't want to go talk to her. He hadn't thought about it much over the weekend, preferring to ignore it in the hope that it would go away. Monday came, and with that came the first class of the day. Arithmancy, a small class. One in which Hermione and himself sat rather close to each other. Pretending she wasn't there, was going to be hard.

-

"...you will work in groups of two over the next two weeks, developing a solution. Time will be devoted during class to it, but you will need to work together on this out of class. Now select a partner, I imagine you are all mature enough to do that yourselves."

At those words he watched his classmates gesture to each other, picking their partners. He made no move to pick someone, no one would want to work with him, and he was hoping that there would be an odd number and he would be able to work on this by himself. Everyone seemed to find someone, and then she turned around, and looked at him expectantly. Draco looked around, and didn't see anyone who she could work with. He closed his eyes, and nodded slightly.

-

He left the class as soon as the bell rang, throwing his bag over his shoulder as he went. He could hear her calling to him, but he moved as quick as he could through the crowds. His bag was pulled, and he spun slightly to see her out of breath in front of him.

"Did you not hear me? I've been calling you," she said, breathing deeply.

"Sorry," he mumbled. "In a hurry."

"Oh okay, we need to figure out when we are going to get together and work this thing out, amongst other things."

"We can meet in the library after dinner if you like, and on the other thing," he lowered his voice, "we don't need to talk about that."

"What?!" She looked around, and then pushed him over to the side of the corridor. "You kissed me Draco, now I don't know about you, but that was fairly new for me. Something I wasn't expecting at all, it really threw me. I _need_ to know why."

"I don't know why, you were being so nice I suppose. That isn't happening for me a lot lately."

"So you kiss everyone who is nice to you?! I don't believe that for a second," she snorted. "Kiss Professor McGonagall when she let you back into school?"

"Of course I didn't!"

"Then don't give me that complete bull," she snapped. "There was more to it, and I want to know what it was."

By now the corridor was empty, with everyone in their respective classes. He sighed, and looked down to her. "I did it because I wanted to, I looked at you and I wondered what it would be like to kiss you. There was no more thought into it than that, I was curious, and I decided to go with it."

"That's all?"

"In a nutshell, yes."

"I'm curious too," she whispered. Standing on her tiptoes, she kissed him this time. With a hand on the back of his neck she held him to her, coaxing him to respond. He tried not to, he resisted as much as he could, and then he couldn't any longer. His free arm came around her, pulling her against him as opened slightly to her, and she let herself in. Hermione didn't push him, she moved slowly, her hand moving through his hair as she wrapped her other arm around him, leaving not a sliver of light between them. He was losing himself quickly, his only remaining thought was that he hadn't wanted to complicate things further.

That plan was failing.

-


	4. Chapter 4

**Awakenings - Part Four**

He was spinning.

Swirling in circles. The speed increasing with every rapid beat of his heart. There was no ways to stop it, it had gotten out of control, too quickly. All he could hope was that it would stop soon, and he could get away unscathed. How it had gotten so out of control, so quickly he didn't know. His whole world was sitting on it's head, nothing was how it should be. The tiny scrap of a life that he clinged to was slipping away, he was losing grip of it. His feelings changed from moment to moment. One minute he'd be happy to be here, happy to be alive. Then he would be feeling guilty, for the role he played, and not being able to do anything to fix it.

He shouldn't be here. He didn't think she knew, maybe he had told her. Draco doubted that, he didn't think it was something that was freely discussed. She was truly a Gryffindor, that was it. Looking past the flaws, and seeing a smidgen of something good. Or in his case, hoping to see something redeeming. He wanted to jump up and down, and tell her he had no such qualities. That in itself would draw attention to himself, he would rather she looked at him through rose-coloured glasses, than turn her inquisitive eye onto him. So he hid, in plain sight. For the most part living in memories, clinging to them like a life preserver. They weren't all good memories, but they were his. His life wasn't perfect, it never had been.

The life of a pampered rich boy wasn't as carefree as many imagined. Pressure was applied to his shoulders at every point. He had to be top of the class, had to be the best Quidditch player, he had to be popular, he had to have the girl on his arm that everyone wanted. He had to be perfect. There were flaws in him however, things that made it impossible for him to be perfect. While every bit of him wanted to be the perfect son, his faults stood in the way. He was too competitive at the wrong times, in the wrong areas. Too focused on beating everyone else. Make no mistake, he wanted to win. Draco wanted to be the best at everything he did, he wanted his fathers approval, his love. Maybe that's why he never succeeded. He ached for something he could never have.

Lucius Malfoy was not a giving wizard. At least, not in regard to his only son. They had been the picture perfect family. Two beautiful parents both from respected, and in equal parts, feared families. Together they were were breathtaking, and he Draco, was their well turned out son. They should have been happy, the world was at their feet. Anything and everything was possible. While Draco quite obviously believed in magic, he didn't believe in curses of the bad luck kind. Voodoo charms being placed on people, pure superstition. You make your own luck, whether it be good or bad. He didn't believe his family to be cursed, as he had heard muttered occasionally. No, the reason for his families rather rapid fall into the great abyss, was firmly rested on the shoulders of his grandfather.

He had placed his faith, and his families good name, in a young ambitious wizard. Someone who claimed to be working for the greater good of the Wizarding world. Maybe he would have succeeded too, who knew how different the world would have been if he had. But he didn't, for reasons Draco didn't know, he was brought down by a baby. The saviour of their kind, brought down by a mere child. It was laughable. There was nothing to be laughed at though when you looked at the shreds that remained of his family. Following in the path set down by his grandfather, his father became nothing more than a puppet. A very giving puppet. His whole life, devoted to all that Voldemort wanted. His marriage left in tatters, and the relationship that he should have had with his son; didn't exist. He had learned early on in life that he wasn't going to get his fathers approval. It was impossible when his father was searching for the same thing himself. That didn't stop him trying though. Always pushing himself that little bit harder in his quest. He never got it though, it was a pointless exercise. He just couldn't find it in himself to stop though, and say, enough.

There had been someone who had given it to him, when his father failed him time after time. A hand on his shoulder, a glimmer of an encouraging smile. While it was never from the right source, that little taste of what he was missing gave him what he needed. He took strength from it. Sadly he always seemed to shunt it to the side, still searching for the unattainable. He hadn't appreciated it while he had it, and now his source of fatherly pride was in the wind. Out there, doing Merlin knows what. Fighting to stay alive, fighting to retain his sense of self, fighting to hide it all.

Right now as his life was seemingly spinning off it's axle, there were only two people to help him. Help him to regain some sense of order, of normalcy. The only people who it seemed, truly understood. While one was gone, the other remained here at Hogwarts. Draco hadn't spoken to him in a long time. So much had been said that last time he saw him, things that he didn't remember, and didn't want to remember. He was however, the only one he could talk to. If he wanted to hang onto that smidgen of control he had now, if he wanted to start regaining the control, he would need to talk to him. It was the only way.

-

The common room began to fill rapidly, and he took that as his sign to leave. Being the resident punching bag wasn't his ideal situation. Especially not when Crabbe and Goyle were the fists. Packing his bag quickly, he moved past them, and out of the room without looking anyone in the eye. That was just asking for trouble.

Draco made it into the hallway, and through the crowd around the entranceway. With a few not so helpful shoves from underclassmen. He breathed a sigh of relief when he reached the other side, only to draw it back when someone grabbed his elbow.

"Draco."

"Blaise," he exhaled. "Let's move," ignoring the glares around them Draco moved further down the hall.

"Where you off to in such a hurry?"

"Away from here for a start," he said bitterly. "I was heading off to study in the library."

"Brilliant,I'll join you."

"Oh!" Draco looked around the corridor for open ears. "That might not be the best idea."

Blaise looked at him closely, raising an eyebrow in question.

"I got paired up with Granger in class, we have a project to work on together," he said quietly.

"Not seeing the problem here Draco. I need to study, plus I daresay Granger and yourself will need a referee," he laughed.

"No. Problem. Big one. Do you remember what happened the last time Granger was part of our conversation?"

"Of course I bloody remember. I'm not likely to bloody forget it," he snapped. "But as you so clearly told me, it's not going to happen again. So like I said, no problem."

Draco watched as Blaise stormed away, heading towards the library. "Right, no problem," he muttered, walking behind him. Hermione thankfully displayed no shock when Blaise sat down opposite her in the library.

"He's our referee," Draco said as he slumped into the chair next to her.

"We don't need a referee."

"Tell him that," he said bitterly.

Hermione looked at Blaise for a moment, who was turning the pages of his potions text viciously, his jaw clenching the entire time. She gazed over at him, and shook her head. "Let's just get started."

-

He found it impossible to concentrate.

He looked at the words on his page, and the ink swan and swirled together. The words in his text book may as well have been written in a different language. Hermione seemed to be taking enormous breaths next to him, he could hear, feel everyone one of them. Every move that Blaise made he noticed it, he had to stop himself from echoing it. He was right, so very right. It was a problem. Draco was just about to give up on this studying caper, it wasn't working, when Hermione spoke up.

"This is the wrong book," she said snapping it shut. "I'm just going to go get the right one. Won't be a minute."

Draco nodded, thankful for the slight peace he now felt. Blaise's quill stopped moving, but he didn't look up. He waited till Hermione had disappeared into the stacks.

"I'm sorry," they both said at the same time.

Draco smiled slightly, "It's my fault, I'm constantly on edge these days."

"I was the one that snapped."

"I provoked it, my fault."

Blaise looked up at him, and began in a quiet voice, "it's just forgetting is hard. I don't want to, but Merlin knows I'm trying, because you want to."

"It's just easier to forget it, it would bring too many complications. The last thing my life needs right now is more bloody complications."

"It doesn't have to, it could make things simpler. If we tried, who knows?"

"But, we aren't."

"No, we aren't."

Draco closed his book, studying was definitely out of the question now. "I'm going to find Granger, help her find this bloody book."

"Right," Blaise began packing his things. "You don't need me, I'll see you back in the dorm."

He nodded, and watched him go. Draco felt bad for the way he was treating his only friend, but it was the only way he could think to make it all go away. This giant mess, it was all made by him. He'd screwed it all up once again, and was so close to ruining the only friendship he had left.

All because of a kiss.

One simple kiss.

Although if he was being perfectly honest, it was three kisses. Each had managed to twist his heart in a different direction, leaving him gasping in the middle. He wanted Blaise to forget, he wanted Blaise to pretend it never happened. All because he wanted to pretend it never happened. He wanted to close his eyes, and not see himself kissing his best friend. Draco didn't want to wake up in the morning, after dreaming of Blaise kissing Hermione with his hand wrapped around his spent length.

He wanted his life to return to what it was. It hadn't been perfect, it hadn't been great; but it was his, and he had had complete control over it.

Draco wanted to turn back the clock, back to that day, and never be in that corridor. He wanted to have never seen it. To erase it from his memory.

One kiss could surely not ruin a life.

-


	5. Chapter 5

**Awakenings - Part Five**

Draco moved through the stacks heading the direction Hermione had disappeared. For someone who seemed to know the library like the back of her hand, she was taking her time finding a book. He found her, sitting on a shelf to the far end of the last stack, a book open on her lap. Hermione didn't look up as he approached, a slight smile playing on her lips as he reached her.

"Did you find it?"

"Well," she said slowly. "I must have been a little confused." She put the book back on the shelf behind her. "We already had the right book, call it a momentary lack of sense."

He slid onto the shelf next to her, and asked an un-necessary question, "so why didn't you come back when you figured this out?"

"Would being lost be a good reason?"

"For you? Not likely."

"I wanted you to come find me," she said quietly, a slight blush forming on her cheeks.

Draco leaned back against the shelf, closing his eyes, "I thought so."

"Are you okay?"

"Depends on your definition of okay."

"I don't think you are," she whispered, taking one of his hands in hers, and leaned against his shoulder.

"I'm not."

"What is it?"

"What isn't it?"

"Draco, you can tell me, whatever is bothering you. I will listen, I _want_ you to tell me."

"When did I become _Draco_? I was always Malfoy or Ferret boy, not that I mind the change of the latter."

She shifted against him slightly, "I don't know. Natural progression I imagine, and it is a tad formal to you call you by your family name. I think we've moved past that, and I didn't call you _ferret_ all that often, but I can if you like."

"I'll survive," he chuckled softly.

"So that's it? What I call you is what's bothering you?"

"Not completely. Just everything, it all adds up to a giant weight resting on my shoulders. Much more and I think it'll be too much."

"Let me take some of it off then."

Draco looked down at her head resting against his shoulder, there was a giant part of the weight right there. A year ago would she be doing that? Not very likely. Being together in the same room would light the fuse, and they'd all come in firing. With Potter and Weasley by her side, she stood up to all others. She didn't need them to be a force to be reckoned with, but they definitely aided her fight. They weren't here though, they had done the unthinkable, taking flight and leaving her behind. No doubt with the noblest intentions, wanting her safe. They just left a different Hermione to be protected.

She looked like she always had, spoke just the same, but she was nowhere near her old self. In regards to him, she would have questioned him every step of the way, pushed him to breaking point, been anxious to discover just what he was doing here. Barely an eyebrow had been raised however, she looked at him occasionally, but never spoke to him. Her head remained in her books, and he was a non-entity.

That was until a few days ago of course, suddenly her eyes were on him. He was suddenly on her horizon. Something changed, it wasn't her moment with Blaise, that affected him. It was within Hermione that the change happened, _she_ sought him out, _she _kissed him. Maybe if he knew what it was, some of the weight could be lifted from him.

"Why me, why now? Six months ago, you wouldn't have wanted to be within three feet of me, and now, hoping I'll come across you in a deserted library stack? Things have changed Granger, a whole bloody lot."

"That's for sure," she whispered. "You aren't the bad guy Draco, I was completely convinced six months ago that you were. It was all black and white, there was no grey. You are the grey."

"I'm definitely not the good guy here Granger, I may not have said the words, but I created the environment. It was my actions that brought it about, it happened because of me."

"You were manipulated, too young, too scared. Place anyone in that situation, tell them that there family will be killed if they don't do it, and they will. You did something wrong, quite a few things wrong, but right now is your chance to do the right thing. To show that you can do the right thing. To show that you can do the right thing, you just have to grab it with both hands."

"Nice sentiment Granger, but they are just words."

"Just words true, but you can do it. You have it in you, I've seen it. Right now, yesterday, the day before. That night, you made a choice, not to. There is good in you Draco, you just never had the chance to show it."

"Even if I did _something good_, it wouldn't make a bit of difference to some people. As far as they are concerned, I'm a killer. I've lived up to my family name."

"You are _nothing_ like your father, you made the right choice. A choice that _he_ would have never made. With a second of thought, he would have done it. You are a Malfoy by name, and name only."

"Why are you so eager to believe?" He stood up, and moved to the other side of the aisle. "I could be playing you Granger, playing you so very well. For all your brains, you could be falling for my tricks."

Hermione looked him straight in the eye, "you may be. I don't think you are though. I've watched you, last year while Harry was suspicious, and this year. The way you are now is just a more developed and intense version of that, where you playing me back then?"

He shook his head.

"So you can say all you want about who you are, and try to push me away. Which is what you are so clearly trying to do, but it won't work. I am_ very_ persistent."

"How much so?"

"Extremely," she smiled.

"So it's a pointless exercise to fight you?"

"Pretty much," she nodded. "You can though, it could be fun."

"Odd sort of fun Granger."

"There are plenty of ways to have fun Draco," she said quickly. The blush returning instantly, flaring across her cheeks. He chucked softly as she leaned down, attempting to hide behind her curls. "I can't believe I said that," she groaned.

"Nothing wrong with being forward, some wizards really go for that."

"I'm going to go," she said, moving off the shelf. "Before I say anything else."

"Hang on Granger," he took her hand as she walked past him. "I wouldn't be adverse to a little fun right now."

She glanced behind them, and turned her eyes back with a smile set. "I think we have time for a little," she moved her arms around his waist stepping to him. With his hands moving into her hair, he pressed his lips against her forehead, moving them down the sides of her face, towards her waiting lips.

He told himself it was just a kiss, a little fun like they said. He tried to remember that, but as she surrounded him, he forgot everything. He forgot that they were in plain sight, that anyone could discover them at any point. One touch, one taste and the rest of the world faded away. He could feel her fingers moving through his hair, her hips pressing against his, her soft curls brushing his neck. Lips parting beneath his, a simple kiss growing into so much more. The shelf was hard against his back, unrelenting, but he moved further into it still. Hermione stepped back slightly, with her hands resting on his shoulders, her tongue darted out and licked her lower lip.

"Fun," he muttered.

"Absolutely."

-

His dormitory was deserted as he sat on his bed later on that day, his books were open in front of him. Thankfully, his classmates had departed fairly rapidly when he entered. He knew how to clear a room, which made studying easier, when he tried at least. It also helped when he had all the books, he'd been through his bag several times, and he still couldn't find his potions book. Going over the next lessons potion beforehand was difficult when you couldn't find the book, he must have left it in the library.

Draco moved off his bed, he would just have to go back to the library and get it. He was crossing the room to the door when it flew open, and a book came flying through the air at him. Ducking just as it passed him by, he looked up at a irate Blaise.

"What the hell mate?!"

Slamming the door behind him, "you tell me."

"What?! You threw the fucking book at me!"

"It was in my bag, it's not mine, might as well return it to it's owner."

Draco shook his head as he stood up, "and the throwing was just added for enjoyment sake I imagine."

"Seemed appropriate, I wanted to throw something."

"At me?"

"Yeah, I planned on actually hitting you with it though."

"Why? I know I've been a right royal sod the last few days, but I thought we were moving past all that crap."

"Oh we were," he said, smiling rather oddly. "I understood perfectly, poor Draco has enough to deal with. I told myself that, so I should just back the fuck up and let him deal with it all. So I did that, you told me no, and I listened. Thinking that maybe, just maybe, when things settled a little, you and I would be, you and I. I just didn't think there was anyone else in the fucking equation."

His stomach dropped to his knees, his heart started beating again twice the normal speed.

"I left the library thinking that, that's what made me so bloody accepting of your decision. Then I discovered two potions books, one was naturally mine, and the other is yours. So being the great friend that I am, I decided to return it. You were _studying_ with Hermione, I knew where to find you. Except, you weren't there. So I thought when I found your stuff, that you were still looking for that bloody book. Figured I'd give you two a hand to find it since you were taking so long, but that's not what I found is it?"

"I can explain it all," he said quickly.

"I'm sure you can _mate_, I just don't want to fucking hear it. For the last few days all you've done is try to convince me that you don't want a relationship, or anything resembling one. Stupid me believed it."

"I don't, everything I've said to you is the truth. Granger and me, it's not a relationship. It was just a kiss, one kiss."

"See, it didn't look like just one kiss though. She went to you very naturally, you were both so bloody comfortable. It's not the first one is it?"

"No."

"What is it then Draco? You kiss me, then you push me away, all the while getting cosy with Hermione?"

"It's not like that, I don't know what it is, but we aren't _cosy._"

"Well, to her you are Draco, it's very clear. You'd better sort it out before you screw that up as well."

The door slammed once more behind him as he left, leaving him standing in the middle of the room. His hand shook as he clenched them, he picked up the book and threw it, smashing it into the mirror in the corner. It shattered to the floor, before repairing itself instantly. The pieces moving back into place.

If only everything else worked the same way.

-


	6. Chapter 6

**Awakenings - Part Six**

Life hadn't been going all that wonderfully, but there had been bright spots. Things that made it all the more bearable, but when you took the main one away, and it was like his world collapsed in on itself. Draco had thought that he could survive this if he had Blaise by his side; someone to talk to, someone to bounce things off, someone to vent his frustrations with. You took him away though, and he suddenly felt completely alone.

He knew he had no friends, that was painfully obvious. He really was completely alone without him. After Blaise had stormed away from him, and then refused all attempts to speak to him, Draco removed himself from everything. He went to classes, and he sat in the back, not answering questions, he sat with his head hovering over his page. He stopped eating in the Hall,_ when_ he had an appetite he ate in the kitchen with the elves. It was partly no different different to before, there was just one very obvious difference.

While Blaise was very active in his acceptance of Draco leaving him, and everyone alone. Hermione didn't. Seemed she was right when she said she was persistent. It took all of his speed and skill to avoid her in the hallways, the school owls ventured towards him carefully after his harsh treatment of them. The project they had been working on, he had abandoned. It wasn't her fault, but he treated her as if she was. She looked at him sadly in class, he could see that she wanted to sit next to him, he understood why she didn't though, and was very glad of it.

His need to talk to someone grew everyday, he needed to know how to fix this. It wasn't going to go away, ignoring it didn't make it better. Every time he looked at Blaise he felt wretched, and then he looked at Hermione and he felt guilty. It had to be fixed, he had to make it better.

-

There were no classes happening, she didn't have a study session with students, but there was a 'Do Not Disturb' sign on her door, so all he could do was wait. Students passed by the office, glancing at him out of the corner of their eyes, and then talking rapidly as they were past him. It wasn't anything new, while he didn't like it, he had become used to it.

After a few minutes the door opened, and the wrong Gryffindor exited and shut the door behind her.

"Draco," Hermione said quietly, as she walked to him.

He stood up from his slouch against the wall, trying to look away from her, but he couldn't.

"What's wrong? Why are you here?" She asked rapidly, "I've been trying to talk to you for days, you didn't answer my owls, you _run_ from me in the halls. I had to finish the assignment all by myself, I really thought you and I were starting to have something, I thought I was helping you. Then suddenly without warning you revert back into the Draco of old, what happened?"

His hand fluttered by his side, the guilt had never felt so huge. It was easier to push it away, but when the hurt that _he _caused was displayed so openly in front of the him. It wasn't so easy to pretend it wasn't there.

"I don't know what I did, or even if it was me. After that day in the library, I thought you wanted to be with me. Whatever animosity that was there in the past, was staying there. In the past. I guess I was wrong." Hermione shook her head slightly, stepping away from him. "I meant what I said the other day Draco, I _want_ to help you. When you are ready though, maybe it was too much too soon, I'll wait."

Draco reached out, his fingers brushed her arms slightly, he opened his mouth, when Professor McGonagall cleared her throat behind them. He stood a little straighter, as Hermione stiffened in front of him. Hermione started to walk away, pulling her bag over her shoulder, Draco grabbed her hand quickly. "The library, after dinner," he said quickly, whispering it to keep McGonagall from hearing.

She nodded, keeping her eyes focused elsewhere before loosening her hand from his grip and heading down the hall.

"What can I do for you Mr. Malfoy?"

Draco jumped slightly, and turned back to her. "I need to see him Professor, right now if that's possible."

"Is it urgent Mr. Malfoy? Now, may not be the best time."

"I _need _to see him, I have questions, he is the only one who can help me."

"Very well, let's see if he is available."

-

He'd only entered the principals office a handful of times during the last few years. He knew he had Snape to thank for that, keeping the discipline in house. It was exactly as he remembered though. McGonagall didn't use it, she retained her Head of House office, and used that for her Headmistress duties. It was like nothing had changed, it was still full to the brim with implements and instruments of mind blogging proportions. The walls were still lined with portraits of old Headmasters and Headmistresses, with one notable inclusion.

He seemed to be sleeping, his head was resting against one side of the frame, his glasses slipping off his nose as he breathed in and out. At the sound of Draco placing his bag heavily on the floor, his eyes popped open, and that overwhelming sense of guilt returned.

"Mr. Malfoy, this is a surprise."

"Good afternoon Professor," he pulled a chair over, and sat in front of the portrait.

Dumbledore straightened in his frame, his eyes seemingly assessing Draco as he did. "As much as I appreciate the visit, I know it's not of the social variety. What seems to be troubling you?"

"How do you know it's a problem? It could be good news."

"If it was good, you wouldn't feel the need to tell me. You would be out rejoicing, not coming to share it with an old man."

Draco sighed, and looked down at his hands. "I've stuffed up, yet again. It's a different kind of mess, but a great mess all the same."

"We all make mistakes, it's in our nature."

"I seem to make more than anyone though."

"Maybe so, under times of extreme stress, we do foolish things, make foolish decisions. We aren't always able to operate with the big picture in our minds, we act for the moment, and then have the consequences to deal with later."

"Consequences, them I don't like."

"A necessary evil."

He looked up at him, "I had two choices, or one really at the time. There were two options though, both had their difficulties, issues. I didn't really make a choice, I just said no to one, and let the other develop. It was easier, which is really hard to believe given who it is. I thought it was the right thing, I thought I was making the right decision. Only it's come back to bite me, because by making that choice, I've destroyed one of the most important things in my life."

"You can't be faulted for wanting to make your life easier, to simplify things."

"But I've ruined _everything_, I can't breath for the guilt. I look at both of them and it hurts, all I seem to be able to feel these days is guilt."

"Guilt is a good feeling my boy, you should worry if you don't feel guilt for hurting people."

"I just don't know what to do anymore, everything I do, I mess up. I need to fix this, I need to stop the rot, what can I do?"

"I'm afraid I can't give you the answer. This is something you have to figure out on your own."

"What can I do though? I don't _know_ what to do."

"You will figure it out, the answers are all within you. Draco you need nothing from me, it's all inside you."

-

She stopped at the end of the aisle, with her arms crossed across her front. Draco had skipped dinner again, choosing to wait and figure out just what he was going to tell her.

"So what is it? Please give me something solid, not an excuse. I just want you to give me the honest truth."

"Something happened, about two weeks ago, and I was confused. I didn't know what to do. It was like nothing I'd ever experienced, I didn't know how to deal with it, and then you happened. Adding another layer of confusion. Now I had a decision to make, and I didn't. I ignored the other thing, I told myself it wasn't going to happen. I wasn't going to let it happen. So I pushed them away."

"And me?"

"You persisted, just like you said you could. That day in the hall, I wasn't letting that happen. I'd just told them that it wasn't happening, me and them; and I told myself that I wouldn't let _us _happen, and you ignored that. You made it happen."

"You could have stopped me."

"Maybe, but I don't think I wanted to. You have no idea how much you hooked me in, and I as much as I didn't want it to begin with, I didn't mind it terribly."

"That still doesn't explain it though, what changed? If you were okay with _us_, what made you disappear?"

"They found out about you and me, after I told them not long beforehand that there would be no _us _for them and me, they saw you and I. Right here."

"But they haven't said anything, no one has said anything about the two of us."

"They won't. They are hurt, I hurt them."

"That's why?"

Draco nodded, and she rushed at him, her arms around his shoulders. "You don't hate me?"

She shook her head, "no."

"I've ruined everything, I always seem to. I don't regret you, I just wish I could go back and do things differently."

"You can fix this Draco, this person, they are important to you?"

"Very. I would be a mess if they hadn't helped me."

"Then you will fix it then, you know the value of the relationship, so saving it is a necessity."

"They don't talk to me anymore, Hermione, they don't even look at me. If I walk into a room, they are gone in a second."

"You know why that is, we just have to make them listen to you."

"It'll be hard, they are very stubborn."

"Like both of us, perfect fit." He nodded glumly, Hermione held his head still and looked straight into his eyes, "this is doable Draco."

"I hope so."

Hermione looped a hand through his elbow, and began to walk towards the door, stepping past the shocked sixth years who kept staring at their joined arms. "It had to happen at some point," she whispered. When they were in the empty hallway outside the library, she stopped walking and looked at their hands joined together. "Who is it Draco?"

Taking a deep breath, he spoke quietly, "Blaise."

-


	7. Chapter 7

**Awakenings - Part Seven**

He didn't want to read to much into it, it had only been one day after all. It was also a rather large surprise, he wasn't entirely sure how to deal with it himself. Draco was also feeling rather selfish, the simple act of her looping her arm through his as they left the library yesterday had turned the eyes that avoided him in recent months back to him. And he didn't like it.

He was thankful it was the weekend, he was able to hide himself away in his dormitory for the most part. Given his _house mates_ feelings towards himself, and towards Hermione Granger. The fact that there was an _us_ in regards to them, would do nothing to change their feelings. So he was waiting till it was dinner time, and then he would venture out, the library being his destination.

It wasn't his normal escape plan, but she would be there, or there shortly, so it held some benefits.

There was someone else he wanted to see, but to say he was avoiding Draco a little was a fairly large understatement. He couldn't remember the last time they'd been in the same room, or within five metres of each other. The last time probably being when the book had been thrown at his head. Not the finest moment. He wished he could return to that moment, and do it over. Draco wasn't sure what he'd do, but he would say a whole lot more. If he could, he would have made it easier for Blaise to understand the how and the why.

He knew though it would be impossible to tell Blaise how he was feeling towards him, he hardly knew how to define it himself. First and foremost, Blaise was a friend. One of his only friends, but then there was that _thing_ that made it different, and hard to define.

The _thing_ with Hermione was equally hard to pin down, she was surprisingly friendly and open towards him. It was unexpected to say the least. She had given him her reasons as to why her feelings had changed towards him, and he tried to understand them as best he could. Draco knew that if he wanted to square things with Blaise, he would need to square things with Blaise, he would need to tell him just what was happening between Hermione and himself.

If only he knew. 

---

The common room was empty as Draco rounded the corner, he breathed a heavy sigh of relief. Moving over to the large fireplace that dominated one of the walls, he grabbed his bag from behind one of the chairs. As he stood up straight, he heard the doors shut heavily behind him. Draco quickly turned to see who it was, and he smiled slightly at Blaise, who had seemed to have halted completely as he noticed Draco. His face quickly hardened, and he headed straight for the stairs.

"What," Draco said quickly, dropping his bag, and moving closer to him. "I want to talk with you."

"We have nothing to talk about Malfoy."

He cringed at the title, Blaise knew how much he disliked anyone calling him that, most of all from someone who knew what it did to him. "Please, I'm not adverse to begging, I just want to try and explain everything."

"You have nothing to explain, at all. Now you can just ran along to your _girlfriend,_ and I'll go upstairs."

"She's not my..."

"God Draco," he snapped. "You have to figure this out, three days ago she wasn't your girlfriend, you two just kissed a bit. Today the whole school is talking about the two of you arm in arm, I think she has made her feelings very clear, for once you could do the right thing by someone."

"I don't know what the right thing is anymore."

"It's easy, either you want a relationship with Hermione Granger, or you don't. But she obviously does," Blaise sighed. "I can't talk about this with you, it's not fair."

Draco watched him walk towards the stairs, "I told her."

"Who, what?" He stopped at the stairs, his hand on the rail.

"Hermione, I told her that I, _we_ kissed."

"Well done Draco, least you are being honest with someone. What did she say?"

"Nothing, she nodded, there were a few people nearby, so she said good night, and I haven't spoken to her since."

"It's confusing, as you well know. But she's a clever girl, she'll figure out what is best for her."

"Right."

"And if she asked me," Blaise turned back to him. "I'd tell her to run, not fucking walk as far away from you as she can get."

"Blaise," Draco stopped at the venomous look he was receiving.

"No, bloody hell. I have done everything I could to help you this year, when no one else would even look at you. Do you realise how much people _hated_ me for that? They hate you, and because I helped you, was your friend, I was just as bad as you. And I didn't care, because you were my friend, and I was going to stand by you regardless of what they thought, all the while thinking that you would do the same for me if it came to that. How fucking wrong I was."

"I never turned myself away from you."

"No, you just rejected me, you lied to me," Blaise spat. "And I was stupid and naive enough, to attempt to understand your reasoning. Knowing it was stupid, the reasons pathetic. But I accepted them, because I didn't have much of a choice, either push for a _relationship_ and destroy our friendship. Or I could settle for just having a friend, and maybe in the future you and I may be something. But we were never going to be anything were we? Because you had Hermione."

"_That_ wasn't meant to happen, just like with you, it came from out of nowhere. I didn't ask for it, and I sure as hell didn't want it. But you know her, you know what she is like, she gets something in her mind, and you can't convince her otherwise."

"Yes, poor helpless Draco couldn't resist the Muggleborn," he said bitterly, shaking his head. "It doesn't matter Draco, you made your choice, I wasn't it. Now you have to rely on Granger for everything you ever got, or could have got from me."

"I want a friend, I need a friend. Bloody hell Blaise, you were fine with being friends a week ago, why can't you now?"

"Because I can't stand to look at you anymore, you just don't realise how you affect people Draco, you never have. It fucking hurt to have you just discard my feelings," he held up a hand, stopping Draco from speaking. "You didn't think about how I felt, you were just concerned about making it easier for yourself, so much so that you hurt me more than you have ever hurt me. All because you were scared about disrupting the delicate balance of your world. Well, congratulations Draco, you screwed the balance a little, I hope you cope with the fallout."

He didn't move as he watched Blaise cross the common room, and out the door he had entered minutes earlier. Draco fell back, sprawled across one of the chairs beside the fireplace, picking up a book from the lounge, he threw it into the fireplace. It's indignant cries faded as the pages burnt away. He couldn't bring himself to care, because like Blaise said, he didn't care about anyone else. His foot rose, and kicked the table away from in front of him.

Draco had to do something, he had to make this better, to make it right again. Blaise said he had Granger, but she wasn't enough. He was happier when she was with him, that smile she seemed to reserve just for him made him forget for a little minute that he'd screwed up. But all he had to do was look across the room and see him and he remembered. He needed both of them, for what purpose wasn't clear yet. Blaise had always been there, that rock whenever things got messy, whenever he fucked everything up. Hermione being a new addition to this mix seemed able to do the same, reasoning with him, attempting to help him see sense. It was clear that he wanted both of him as a friend, but when you added things like feelings, and emotions of the romantic, physical kind it became murky.

He needed to clear it up. 

---

Draco had been lurking outside the Great Hall for several minutes when she finally exited, Longbottom beside her with a look for him that he didn't misunderstand.

"Draco, you didn't eat?" She asked, coming, and brushing the hair off his forehead.

"I'm not hungry," he said quickly, looking behind her to Longbottom. Dropping his voice, "I'd like to talk, can we? I really think we should."

"Of course," Hermione nodded, she turned. "I'll see you later Neville."

"Hermione..."

"I'll be fine, this is nothing to worry about. We'll work on that report later," she beamed at him, taking Draco's hand, she started towards the library.

He followed her silently, till he heard voices coming their way, and stopped, pulling her into an alcove. Draco waited till they passed, till he started. "Hermione, I think we need to figure this out. It's not fair to leave it all undone."

"What do you mean?" She asked, looking at him closely. "What do we need to figure out?"

"Okay, first. I told you something that should have had you either screaming at me, or running for the hills, and neither happened. Leaving me, very confused."

"Maybe I'm just able to handle these things, with a clear head," she smiled at him.

"Maybe, but I need to know what you are thinking, clear head or not."

"Alright then, it was a surprise. I never thought I'd hear it, so it threw me a little. But I thought about it, and I can understand it. You have been so alone this year," Hermione said softly, brushing something off his shoulder. "And Blaise has been your closest friend, the one you turned to with everything. It's only natural that feelings become confused, and acted upon before you understand them. What's the other thing?"

Draco shook his head, taking her hand off his shoulder, "What the hell are we doing?"

"Right now we are talking, like you wanted."

"I mean, we've kissed, a fair bit. The whole school has assumed that you and I are an item, but I have no bloody clue," he groaned, resting against the wall behind him. "What the hell are we?"

"We are, an item of sorts I would think. I'd like to think that we are," she smiled, following him, wrapping an arm around his waist. "If you want a proper definition, I'm going to go so far as to suggest that you are my boyfriend Draco Malfoy."

"And that makes you," Draco whispered, stopping to let her finish the sentence.

"Your girlfriend," she said softly, brushing her lips against the bottom of his chin. "What do you think about that?"

"I can live with it," he smiled, as she moved her lips to his.

That other topic he wanted to discuss, they'd just leave till later. 

* * *


	8. Chapter 8

**Awakenings - Part Eight**

"Hermione."

"In a minute," she said, holding a hand up.

Draco held the smile in, not that it mattered all that much. The only time she paid him any sort of attention was when he spoke, and even then he was dismissed without a glance. He quickly decided it wasn't best to aggravate her, she did have a frightful temper, and they still needed to discuss one very important subject. Blaise.

It had only been delayed earlier, and Draco wanted it to be done already. He hadn't really given much thought to how he would approach the subject, there were things that needed to be asked, he had questions he _really _needed answers to. It was a relief to know how Hermione felt towards him, and he wanted to be secure enough with all that it entailed. In any ordinary circumstances that would be enough, and it almost was. There was just that part of him that needed something else, _someone_ else. Draco wasn't ready to put that label on to how he needed them. It didn't differ all that much from the capacity in which he needed Hermione.

He could talk to Hermione, explain his thoughts and feelings about certain things, but when it came down to it; there were some things that he could only talk to Blaise about. This being the perfect example, ordinarily he'd go straight to him, and talk this through with him. It was impossible to however, even if they were on normal speaking terms, how exactly did one go up to their friend and talk about fancying said friend?

That's what it was, Blaise was first and foremost his friend. A friend he would dearly love to have back in his corner, there was just that other part of him that hadn't minded kissing him on that fateful day, and wasn't at all adverse to doing it again.

If only it were that simple.

The girl beside him with her nose barely an inch from the pages of an ancient textbook, and her quill flying across parchment as she read. She complicated it. And he didn't really mind the complication, it just made things difficult.

If he were living in an ideal world, where everything he wanted came true. He'd have both of them, and all the complications, all the things that made this situation difficult would fade into oblivion.

He wasn't though, this was the real world. He would have to deal with his messes, he'd have to clean them up as best he could.

"Okay, I'm done," Hermione sighed, putting her quill down finally. Draco smiled as he watched her rub the ink from her fingertips onto her pants, "So what have you wanted to talk about for the last - hour! Oh my," she exclaimed looking at her watch. "I didn't realise it had been so long, I'm sorry."

"It's okay, it has given me some thinking time," Draco shrugged, looking around them. The bookshelves towered over them, secluding them from prying eyes, they did nothing to stop them from being heard. "Could you do that spell that Potter used to do, when he wanted no-one to hear what you lot were talking about?"

"Sure," she nodded, grabbing her wand from the table, and muttering the spell. "All private, what were you thinking about?" She asked quietly, leaning towards him.

"Everything. You, Blaise, and me. A complicated little scenario," he said sadly. "I don't want it to be so complicated."

"Then we should un-complicate it," Hermione smiled, squeezing her hand in his own.

He nodded taking a deep breath, "There is something we need to talk about first. Something I should have told you about, right at the beginning."

Hermione didn't say anything, which Draco took as a sign to continue as she looked at him steadily.

"That day, when everything started, it wasn't as simple as Blaise kissing me, and then you and I here in the library," Draco said slowly. "I saw something, and it surprised me. I was hurt, confused and it forced me to think about certain things. It brought that whole moment with Blaise and myself to fruition. It was the catalyst. You know what I'm talking about?"

"Draco it didn't mean anything. It _was_ lovely," she smiled softly. "But as for feelings, there were none. I won't say I didn't enjoy it, and maybe entertain the possibility of something between us. But the next day, Blaise spoke to me, and pretty much told me there was nothing, and there wasn't going to be anything. So I moved on."

"He told you that?"

"Uh-huh, I didn't think all that much on it then, because of what happened with you and me. Looking back, I think we were both doing the same thing."

"What?"

"Ignoring a possible in favour of something else, something that we felt held more promise. He just didn't get his more."

"You did though."

"At his expense."

"I should have told you, right from the start. If I'd been upfront with both of you, then maybe none of this would have happened."

"You don't know that, hindsight isn't all that helpful at times."

"I should have at least told you what I saw, you should have known that I watched you and Blaise under that blasted mistletoe. Then what happened after."

"I know _now._"

"And you haven't run for the hills screaming just yet..."

"I won't," she said firmly.

"Give it a minute," Draco said quietly. "There's something else. In light of this honesty, and our _status_, you have to know."

"I'm a big fan of honesty."

Taking a deep breath, Draco looked around them. To the people passing by their quiet little spot, back to Hermione, the only one who could hear him. "It's Blaise. I think, _I know_, my feelings towards him aren't platonic anymore, I don't think they have for a while."

"How so?" She asked, holding his eyes, "Like they are towards me?"

"_Exactly_ like that," Draco whispered.

Her eyes fluttered closed, a hand coming up and covering them.

"Hermione?"

"A minute, please," Draco just heard the soft whisper she let out.

He sat quietly watching her, he tried to tell himself that this was a good thing. She_ had_ to know, there was no way he could keep this from her. It would have never been an easy thing to tell someone, he _should_ just be grateful for it being out there, right now he failed to see the benefits. A sinking feeling was settling over him, a horrible feeling that he may have just screwed everything up yet again.

"I have to go," Hermione said quickly, grabbing her bag from the floor beside her, throwing her books in without care.

"Hermione, we should talk about this."

"Not now, please not now," she stood up, pushing her chair back roughly.

"Hermione please," he said urgently, standing and grabbing her hand.

"No!" She snapped pulling her hand free. "Draco please," she whispered. "I am doing my best to remain calm, to not be judgmental, or come of as a jealous shrew. I am trying to understand, I want to be a good friend, I really do, but I can't."

"Then talk to me, I just want you to talk to me."

"I can't," she cried. "Ninety minutes ago you were happy to be _my boyfriend_, you made me feel that was enough for you. I thought you were happy with that, but now you are telling me that you fancy someone else. I need to wrap my head around this, _you _need to let me do that."

Draco nodded, stepping away from her, watching her shoulders fall as she moved away from him. All but running as she left the library, with more than a few looks heading her way.

_She knows_, Draco kept repeating to himself. Least she knows. 

---

He couldn't be sure, but he was pretty bloody close to being sure. She was avoiding him. It was pretty clear. Hermione Granger didn't not enter the library over a weekend, nor did she not eat in the Great Hall, even Dobby had assured him that she hadn't eaten in the kitchen. Not that really pictured her doing that, she wouldn't make them prepare anything especially for her. Draco kept walking around corners hoping that she would be there, but she wasn't. The last time he'd seen her was when she was darting away from him in the library.

After several hours camped outside the portrait into the Gryffindor dormitory, where all he gained was a well placed hex, he'd left it alone. He wanted to see her, they needed to talk about everything, but it had to be on her terms. Draco had dropped quite a bundle in her lap, and it was hardly fair to push her to talk about it. He had to give her time, he just didn't like it.

He was starting to feel that maybe he'd given her enough time, and maybe now it was time to push her to talk about it. It was with that thought in mind that he was packing his bag for classes on Monday morning, when the owl tapped on his window. Draco crossed to the window, and let the school owl in. It landed in front of the fireplace, warming itself as he removed the letter. _Draco,_

We need to talk about it all. Meet me in the Heads office at lunchtime, the portrait will let you in.

Hermione. 

Draco smiled slightly as he through the note into the fire, this was progress. And she had made the step, he hadn't needed to push her, which was a _very_ good thing. Hermione Granger wasn't the type of witch that took well to being pushed. 

---

The morning classes seemed to pass slowly, he wasn't the most patient person at the best of times, this time was really testing his patience. The professors seemed to be talking slower, the text that much harder to read through, and the little quizzes they supplied the hardest he'd ever taken. Unfortunately, he didn't have any classes with Hermione, and he didn't encounter her in the hallways. He did however have a class with Blaise, who steadfastly ignored him. Which wasn't all that unusual lately. He couldn't bring himself to be bothered today, that would be dealt with on another day.

As soon as his last class of the morning let out, he quickly made his way through the halls, heading in the opposite direction of everyone else as they went to lunch. The Head Boy and Girl having their own study area, to meet with the prefects, to carry out their duties. He'd only been there once with Blaise a couple of months ago, he remembered where it was, finding his way there easily.

The portrait looked at him warily, but opened for him as promised. Draco walked down the steps into the study slowly, noticing the bag thrown onto one of the lounges he assumed was Hermione's.

"Hermione?"

It wasn't Hermione though that came around the corner, "What the hell are you doing here?" Blaise demanded.

"I asked him to come," Draco spun around, seeing Hermione standing in the doorway behind him. "You two _have _to sort yourselves out, and since you can't seem to do it by yourselves, I'm helping."

"Hermione," he said quietly, walking towards her. "You don't have to do this."

"I'm not," she said, Draco as he stopped in front of her finally noticing her appearance, and the redness in her eyes, not hiding the sadness within them. "I'm not going to be here, I can't be here. This door won't let you out till you've resolved it, however you resolve it."

She quickly turned, rushing out the door, which slammed shut instantly. He turned to Blaise, who shook his head slowly, "Well, let's get this over with then." 

* * *


End file.
